From Why Me to Watch Me | Christina Hepner | Becoming Series

Every becoming begins with a moment.

A moment where your body, identity, or plans no longer cooperate.
A moment where the question becomes… why me?

In this episode of The Becoming Series on Delay the Binge™, Pam Dwyer sits down with Christina Hepner, award-winning journalist and keynote speaker, to talk about the moment that changed everything.

At 19, Christina woke up unable to move her arm. Days later, pain spread throughout her body. Eventually, she was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.

But the hardest part wasn’t the diagnosis.

It was pretending she was okay.

Trying to keep up.
Trying to fit in.
Trying to be who she thought she should be while quietly struggling underneath.

Until one quiet moment changed direction.

Not a dramatic breakthrough, just small intentional choices.

One walk.
One pause.
One decision to care for herself.

And eventually… a shift from:
not “Why me?”
but “Watch me.”

In this conversation we explore:

• Losing identity and rebuilding from the inside out
• How quiet depletion can exist beneath high functioning
• Why stillness is sometimes the first step forward
• Small choices that create meaningful change
• How pain shapes empathy, leadership, and resilience

Because becoming isn’t about changing everything overnight.

It’s about what you do in the moment everything inside you wants to quit.

🔗 Connect with Christina Hepner
https://www.christinahepner.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thechristinahepner/

https://www.instagram.com/thechristinahepner

This is Delay the Binge™

Delay the Binge™ explores burnout, emotional patterns, Quiet Depletion, and the pause between impulse and action where real behavior change begins.

Through emotionally honest conversations and practical insight from experts in neuroscience, psychology, resilience, wellness, and human behavior, you’ll learn how to recognize patterns, reconnect with yourself, and build momentum one intentional choice at a time.

Because it’s not about willpower…it’s about what you do in the moment the urge hits.

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Transcript

Defining Moments And Becoming Theme

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Every becoming begins with a moment. A moment that doesn't make sense at the time. A moment that can feel like everything is falling apart, but ends up changing everything. Today's conversation is about that moment and what happens when you choose not to stay stuck in why me, but step into watch me. This is the Delay the Bench Podcast. And this is part of our Becoming series, where we explore the moments that shape us, the pauses that change us, and the choices that help us become who we were meant to be. Today I'm joined by Christina Heppner. Christina is an award-winning journalist and keynote speaker who helps leaders turn defining moments into powerful stories that inspire action. At just 19 years old, her life changed overnight when she was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and told she might never regain full mobility. But what could have defined her limitations became the very foundation of her work, helping others understand that the way we frame our hardest moments shapes who we become next. Christina, I'm so glad you're here. Welcome, welcome.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Yes, thank you for having me. I'm so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Oh my goodness, me too. Before we go into go deep, take a deep dive and into that defining moment, I'd love to start with where you are today and what does life look like for you right now and what are your most what are you most passionate about

Christina’s Work And New Beginnings

SPEAKER_00 1:41

in this season?

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Yeah, what I'm most passionate about in this season is really helping people through my story and speaking. And whether it's MC for an event or speaking to college students who are getting ready to take their next step or speaking to a room full of people who might feel a little lost in where they're at right now. And so that is where I'm at right now. I'm really excited to be launching this keynote speaking business and really stepping into this fully. Uh, and it's just a really exciting time. I just got married in October, so all these new beginnings are happening in my life. And uh there's only good things to come.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Yes, because we're all evolving and becoming. Yes. It's so interesting because when I hear you now, there's such clarity and purpose. And I was just wondering if it if it's always been like that, or did it not start that way?

Feeling Unseen In A Loud Culture

SPEAKER_00 2:44

No, it didn't start that way.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

It actually, even before my diagnosis uh as a teenager, I really lived in this uh phase where I was a millennial. So we all know that it was to be skinny, it was to look a certain way, and I didn't fit that mold. And so I really grew up not knowing who I was. So it started even before my diagnosis, but my diagnosis was really that moment where I sat in that YME for the longest, but it was because I didn't fit a mold that society was telling me that I needed to be in. I didn't look the way that everybody else did. I didn't do things the way everybody else did. So growing up was really hard for me because I wasn't what society expected me to be.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

I mean, I I love to hear that from you, that you've realized that because I I'm a retired youth minister. All these young people had the same feeling as that. I always wondered to myself, when does that start? When does that happen? Because I have a 30-year-old daughter, and I thought I raised her with lots of of you know self-esteem and and great image issue, you know, great image. Yeah. She still struggles too, even at 30. And so I'm like, what's happening?

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Yeah, it's really there's so much noise out there, especially with social media and all of that nowadays. I mean, we're all, and I think it can happen to anyone where we fall into those moments of like seeing somebody else's life through the lens they want you to see it. So it's not even what probably is the reality, it's they're putting on this front out there. And so a lot of us pretend to be something we're not. And that's ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Well, because you're basically trying to do all the things and be all the things that your parents are expecting of you. Yeah. It's real hard for a parent to think of anything else. They they know what's best for you. But the biggest, the most successful thing in my youth ministry career was giving young people a voice, right? And just listening to them and getting to know them so they could get to know themselves.

Rheumatoid Arthritis Diagnosis At 19

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Take me back to that moment at 19 when when everything shifted, when you were diagnosed. I mean, because what was happening and what did it feel like at the time? Can you describe it for us?

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Yeah. So at 19, I was starting my second year of college, really getting into my major, and it was the beginning of the year. I was in a sorority and I was living in the sorority house that year. And I remember waking up one morning and I I just couldn't move my right arm. And I was stuck bent. And I was just confused. I was like, I don't know what happened. I ended up going to urgent care. They said I sprained it, that I was fine. And then a couple days later, it happened to my other arm. So I was stuck. I like to joke. Um, I joked a lot about then to hide the pain, but that I was like a life-size Barbie because my arms were stuck bent. And shortly after that, um, it just went to every joint in my body. So walking felt like I was walking on glass, and it took months to actually get a diagnosis. So I just was pretending for the longest time to that I was okay, that nothing was wrong, you know, making those jokes that I was a lifestyle, a real Barbie because it was it was so painful. Uh, it got to a point where, you know, I eventually was diagnosed, but I didn't want to live with that diagnosis because I was 19. I was going to be a TV news reporter and anchor. I was going into broadcast journalism. I was really starting to get involved with the the news station and I was in a sorority, living in my sorority house and wanting to do the normal college thing that I just didn't I pretended it didn't exist. So, you know, I still went out, I still did the things, but I was also take doing trials and errors of medication and the depression got so bad at some point that on the outside nobody would have known, but at the inside I wanted to end my life. And it got to that point where I didn't have an internship that summer because I just I was just trying to be, just trying to be a college kid, trying to fit in. I was trying to be and not so it was it wasn't until that summer when

The Porch Moment And Remission Steps

SPEAKER_01 7:15

I went home and my parents, they live on this quiet dirt road and they have this long front porch. And it was the first time that I wasn't trying to impress anyone, and the first time I had to listen to the noise in my head and like what is actually going on, and the first time I asked myself, like, what am I doing? Why am I not taking care of myself? And it was in that moment where I was like, I need to take control of this, I need to stop living in the why me and feeling sorry for myself and feeling, you know, trying to pretend to be someone I'm not. And so I started with walking. Walking was so painful, and so I would just take these steps down the dirt road. And, you know, sometimes it was not not even a quarter of a mile to just start walking slowly, and then I started to see what I was putting in my body. So what types of foods were reacting, what I was doing, and so it took it was one step after another. So it was just one small step that led to another, that led to another. And eventually I've been in remission uh for quite a long time. So it was just really kind of sitting in the stillness because society tells us to go, go, go, go, go, to get over it, to move past it. And then after this has happened, this is how you move past it, but they never tell us to stop and sit still and actually realize what is happening to us in the moment.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

That's an amazing story. I love it so much because you know, you and I are closely knit in our in our messages, you know, in our stories, because you're the epitome of what I call the plus one theory. And that is doing your best, plus one more. And it's where you tap into this unknown reserve of energy. I mean, that's how that's how, like if you're running the mile, you know, four laps around the track, yeah, you think you cannot go any further, but you just take small intentional steps and you will find it, especially if you get to this place of this reserve of energy that you didn't even know you had. Yeah. You know, and also quiet depletion. My next book, um, I talk a lot about it. Over 70% of women struggle with this. And it's they look fine on the outside, perfectly fine. They're successful, everything looks perfect, but on the inside, they're mentally exhausted. They are depleted because they aren't taking the time to pause and to address you know what's going on inside of them because they don't have time. Yes, nor do they want to inconvenience anyone, you know? Yeah. But your story is is all over that.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Yes. Yeah. And so, you know, since then I have not let that I've always taken those small steps when something has, you know, seemed to disrupt the path I thought I was on. Um, it's just taking a small step to get out of it or to make a pivot, even. Yes. Yes. Oh, the I love pivots.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Yeah. Did it feel so you mentioned that you felt like, I mean, did it feel like the identity was being taken from you with this diagnosis? I mean, like, what scared you the most?

SPEAKER_01 10:39

I thought I was broken. Um, I really thought that I wasn't deserving of anything and that I would never find love, and nobody could ever love me because my body was broken. And so I lived in that identity. And that's when I kept saying, like, why is this happening to me? Why is this not happening to anybody else? Like, what did I do to deserve this? And

Identity Fear And The Plus One

SPEAKER_01 11:01

so just ask those negative questions to myself. So I lived in that and I really sunk into that and was like, I'm gonna be broken and I'm never gonna get married, and I'm never gonna, and you know, I'm now married. Um, but I really thought that at 19 that my life was was over.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Man, that's a lot to deal with at 19, you know?

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

But there's always um a space between what happens to us and then who we become because of it. And you are going to be part of our becoming series, which starts in May. And I'm so excited. And I've been asking my guests what that space looks like for them becoming.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Yeah, so I I think it's I'm always becoming uh because I have made multiple career pivots in my life. Because I am, I would call say I'm multi-passionate. And so sometimes we think that we have to stay in one career forever. We have to stay in one space, but I feel like I'm always becoming something greater than what I was, because my life is changing and my career is changing, and my passions are changing. So I would say that's what it feels like for me is like there is no um, there's no ceiling because I'm always becoming something.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

That's beautiful. And a whole lot of people don't realize that they can become more than they are right now, you know, and that's the whole purpose of the becoming series is that we want to remind people of that. And that's that's perfect. Were there moments though that you felt stuck or stagnant? Like, did like did you ever stay in why me longer than you wanted to?

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I I think there was even moments after that uh when I my first career was in TV, and there was a moment that I actually got demoted because I voiced an opinion that wasn't what they wanted.

Career Demotion And Choosing A Pivot

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Um, and you know, I I didn't want to do something that didn't feel ethical to me or right, and so I I got demoted and you know, I I didn't start to question why me again in that moment, uh, because that's kind of a natural thought process. And and I stayed in it maybe a couple of months too long. I think I forgot to go back to who I was and that it was okay that because I kept trying to um figure out what my next TV uh position was, and it took a little longer than I thought it would because I every time that a new opportunity came to me, I didn't want it. I was like, I this doesn't, I don't want this one. Let's see what else is out there. So I went through months of seeing all these TV opportunities until I realized like, what is life outside of TV? And I got out of the career. I was like, I applied to a job randomly outside and got it and decided to make that career pivot. So I think I was sitting in the like, why is none of this feeling right for me? Why do I want it? And then I finally realized actually, I think it's time for a new change, time to become something new. Um because it just wasn't feeling nothing felt right.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Well, that space right there, let you just talked about so much, that's the moment where everything in you wants to shut down, spiral, or react, or just stagnate, you know, like just stay in that place. But there's a a small window, and if you choose to look out or even climb out of the window to pause and take a moment, and you're I you're so young. I can't believe you're just you are incredible, you have it all together with the pause. Looks like you take a moment to reflect, you know, and self-analyze. That's a that's a gift. There's not a whole lot of those people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

I I had to get through some hard moments, I think, to get to the place. And I always have to remind myself. And that's why I want to help other people do it, because I see so many people who live in that space where they're like, well, I can't leave because if I leave, my whole identity is wrapped up in this. But really, you're sometimes we don't think about like who we want to be and who we are.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

Yeah, identity is a big, big thing because we don't we just are busy going through life. We're busy doing all the things that we think we're supposed to do. And we don't take time to look in to you know and see who we really are. And then all of a sudden you're in your 50s and 60s saying, Oh my gosh, who am I? It's kind of like always give people this visual. It's like you're climbing the mountain, right? Life is about climbing the mountain to get to the summit. And so when you get to the top and you look around, you're like, Oh, is this it? You're kind of disappointed, you know, because you didn't take time to look around while you were climbing. You're just so focused on getting to the summit.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

And so you didn't grow. You didn't you didn't learn who you were. You just got to the top where you thought you were supposed to be, and it was kind of empty up there.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

That I love that analogy.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Yeah, yeah, I like it a lot. I even wrote a short story about it. It's one of my most popular ones. It's called The Mountain. But anyway, I I love writing it. I love giving visuals. You talk about the shift from I love this

Why Me To Watch Me Mindset

SPEAKER_00 16:55

so much, by the way, why me to watch me. How did you come up with that? Where did that begin for you? Is it that you're stubborn, so stubborn you're gonna just beat this thing, or how does it, how did it work out for you?

SPEAKER_01 17:06

So I was living in the why me swatch, and watch me isn't like a big, like, oh, watch me, watch me. It's it's a small shift. It's quiet. It's more of a like, what if watch me actually take care of myself? Or it's just that small step, but it's just the shift in that mindset instead of saying why me, say, well, watch me do this. What if I do this? What watch me move that step forward? And so I realized that those are the two things that I was going between is that I was living so heavily in this why me. And then I finally shifted to say, Well, watch me, watch me take that small step every day. Watch me, you know, uh figure out what foods are gonna help my autoimmune disease and that sort of stuff. So it was really small shifts, but it was a word that mentally it was just it was so much more positive and made you feel so much more confident. Because when you're saying why me, you feel so not confident, you are just inwards, and when you say watch me, you it's kind of that little like, oh, I'm gonna hold my shoulders high, I'm gonna sit tall, okay. Watch me, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go do this.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

I love that because it's like almost like a series of moments, right? That are taking you to the watch me. Yeah, that's what I get from it for from you. But it before like the watch me, I'm just trying to give listeners a a feel for the watch me part because what did it look like at the beginning before it becomes powerful?

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Yeah,

Building The WATCH ME Framework

SPEAKER_01 18:50

so it's watch me. I kind of actually built a whole framework around it, um, where you kind of take the little step. So the W in Watch Me is look what are you telling yourself? What is that story you've been telling yourself for years? So kind of the that inner, that one little step towards watch me is okay, what am I telling myself? Am I living a different life than you know the life I want to be living? And so that second step is that A, so acknowledging what you still have. Because sometimes we lose things or something happens and we just think we have nothing left, but really you do. You have something left, something that you can take and help take that step forward. So, whatever it was, for me, it was knowing that like I still had, you know, my family. My family was still there, they were still supporting me. I still, even though I was losing my mobility, I still had my voice, I still had my mind, I could advocate for myself. I could tell, you know, doctors what was happening, and I could really advocate that I wanted to do things that, you know, maybe they were telling me one thing and I wanted my reality to be something else. So kind of that A is that acknowledging. And then um, so then we like move through the watch me and we're gonna choose our courage over our comfort, we're gonna harness that lesson. And then finally, we're that me is what are you where what are you gonna do? Are you gonna move intentionally forward? So taking that one step. So kind of asking yourself those questions and taking ownership really of what is happening because before you sometimes we want to act so fast, but we haven't asked ourselves, are we acting out of the why me? Are we acting out of okay, these are the positive stuff I'm taking for, not the negative ones?

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Oh my gosh, I see it so much where people people know what they don't want, right? They can tell you that so easily. But if you try to find out what they do want, they never know. You know, and what I see so often is that people people think transformation is this big dramatic shift, you know, but it's actually built in the small moment you keep you like the moment you want to give up, or the moment you want to check out, or the moment you want to fall back into an old pattern. What do you think is actually available to someone in that moment that they don't see?

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Yeah, I think I think stillness. I think sometimes we forget because we'll want to fall back into the old pattern, or we'll wanna fall back into that mindset because we're moving so fast and we're trying to just go to the next thing and the next thing. And I have to remind myself this all the time is that sitting in that stillness sometimes and just being like, okay, what what am I doing? And what sh do I want? To be doing or what should I be doing versus just trying to fall back into that pattern and keep moving forward, if that makes sense.

Leadership Through Pain And Listening

SPEAKER_00 22:09

So I'm gonna shift gears a little bit. Like what kind of I'm gonna talk about leadership? Yeah, I'm real curious about your feelings on that because what kind of leader does pain create? You know, like how did the experience shape the way they lead and the way they show up for others now? You know, like what do people miss when they try to skip over those hard parts? I mean, does it does it make a good leader?

SPEAKER_01 22:36

I think a good leader is one that actually, because we're all always gonna have hard moments as a leader, but also learning from those hard moments. And I think going through them versus going past them, acknowledging that, being transparent about what is happening. I think transparency is a huge thing when it comes to leadership, and also having empathy because sometimes as leaders, you can forget when you're going through the hard thing, you're just trying to get past it because you're the leader. But then you also have to think about the people that you are leading. So if that thing was hard for you and you're trying to move past it, how is that affecting your employee or the person that you're managing? And so really getting to know that um emotional intelligence part of it. Because that is what I really learned when I was going through those hard seasons, is like you really learn about people and you really learn to have that emotional intelligence that some people totally miss when they totally try to just skate over the hard parts instead of living in the reality of it and then taking one step forward.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Yes. And I there's been a couple of folks that I've interviewed my guests, and one person was explaining to me that listening is a skill. It's you have to learn how to listen properly, which I've been working on as far as being a podcast host, but also, you know, just learning like creativity, but also, you know, people have to learn how to be still.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

Yes. Yeah, and I think a big part of that too, that people don't think about is communication and storytelling. So every single person has a story. And if you're not willing to learn that story and communicate with them in a way that works for them, and that's some of the hardest things about leadership is that communication with your team or really connecting with them in a way that works. Because sometimes leaders think, okay, well, my team's gonna communicate the way I want to, but really it's communicating the way that your team needs it and the way that they will be motivated. Because of course, as a leader, you're motivated to do whatever the mission is that you're doing, but you have to bring that team along. And if you're not communicating with them the right way and not knowing their story and how they learn and how they take things, that is a huge thing that people miss is that communication piece and that storytelling piece.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Exactly. And I think a lot of people think they don't have stories, but I love that you said everyone has a story in them. They just have to look inward. Yes. And maybe sometimes they don't want to share it. They don't want to look at it, they want to look at the other way. Like the caveman days, everybody's sitting around the fire telling about how some dinosaur chased them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Yeah. Sometimes we forget to take that time to hear other people's stories too. Yeah. And that goes back to that listening part is really hearing their stories because that also helps you communicate with them better.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

It does. It really does, especially even young people. The one question when they're when you're trying to get them to open up is tell me more. But I've tried it on adults too, and it's really powerful. Because then it just it it gives clarity to the conversation. They're they're like, oh, she's really listening. Yes. And helps people open up and and tell their story a little easier.

One Small Shift When Stuck

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Um for someone that's listening right now who feels stuck, overwhelmed, or like something in them is broken, what's a what's one small shift they can make the next time that moment shows up?

SPEAKER_01 26:45

I think that first thing is questioning themselves of why they're feeling that way, and then acknowledging what they still have. I think those two just mindset things before they make an act can really help with that. If you know those thoughts are creeping in and they're feeling overwhelmed and anxious, it's just first asking yourself why am I feeling this way, and then acknowledging, okay, these are great things in my life I still have, versus thinking about the the thing that might be weighing you down.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I love that because it's not about fixing everything, right? It's about what you do in that one moment. Who have you become because of that moment at 19?

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Yeah, I have become someone who I use my voice all the time. Uh sometimes too much. I love talking.

unknown 27:44

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 27:46

Um, but I have never been afraid to say what I believe, to say what feels good for me and my values. I've never lived by anyone else's values because for the longest time I was pretending to fit in and pretending that everything was okay. And so I've become someone who's confident in who they are and wanting to continue to create more for myself in my career. And so I just think the confidence is totally changed. And uh I just love love to use my voice for good.

SPEAKER_00 28:25

Well, I love for you to use your voice too.

unknown 28:28

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

If you, if the version of you who didn't think she would make it through um was sitting across from you, what would you say to her now?

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Oh, that's a good one. Um I think I'd tell her that she'd get out the other side, that she she would do it. Uh, she would work hard and she would find her voice again and she'd find who she really was.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

That's powerful. And, you know, just my meant my mantra is yes, life happens, bad things happen. We are all in some form of some sort of pain, you know, that that's from something that's happened to us. But we have to learn how to use the pain for purpose, use the pain like fuel, right? Struggles, you know, can be stepping stones. So, where can our listeners connect with you and learn more about your work?

Where To Connect And Closing

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Yeah. So uh they can visit my website, Christinaheppner.com, or I am on LinkedIn and Instagram at at the Christina Heppner.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Perfect. And don't freak out everybody if you're not writing it down. We're gonna put it in the show notes. So you can find her and follow her and just see how she's pivoting. Christina, this is what I love, love, love about these conversations. Becoming isn't about changing everything overnight, it's it's about what happens in those small, quiet moments when you pause, when you choose, and when you take one step forward anyway. Yep. Thank you for sharing your becoming with us today. Yes, thank you for having me. Thank you so much. This becoming series is really about those moments, the ones that don't always make sense when we're in them, but end up shaping who we become. And if you thought to yourself, that sounds like me, you can always comment or just follow the show. I would love to connect. And if you're a podcaster or thinking about starting one and want help with what comes after the recording, the editing, the publishing, the growing, I'm here for that too. You can find everything at delaythebinge.com. And remember, your becoming isn't happening all at once. It's happening in the moments where you pause, choose the next right thing, and keep going. I'll see you next week.